That inevitable day is approaching and I'm starting to get anxious. I believe I am recovering well from my operation and am getting back to normal (whatever that is!) . For background, I work in real estate in Toronto. It is a corporate 9-5, but during the pandemic and our team's responsibility in the COVID response, it was much beyond that. I attribute not prioritizing my time and making boundaries to some burnout and the increased anxiety I was experiencing in 2021. I was not creating time for myself, my creativity nor my health. I also would like to note that for the most part I like my job, the people I work with, and I have a great relationship with my people manager (I am lucky).
I have to be careful from a legal perspective in terms of how much I get into here, but as an employee I met the criteria to be approved for disability leave coverage. Now I am focusing on getting my life back, which includes work of course. This is all subject to my doctor's review of imaging that I have to do this week (transpelvic ultrasound and sonohysterogram) to confirm that I am healing properly, and no scar tissue is building up from the surgery. My insurance provider has set a tentative date based on the recovery period of my surgery and we mutually work towards this date.
As an employee you have a responsibility to ensure you are following your doctor's orders, and doing whatever you can to make your health progress continue. For example, taking your meds, going for walks, getting sleep, and resting. I would like to mention for my chronic illness warriors out there, you can do all these things and still have setbacks. Having a future major setback is what really scares me. Returning to work and then having to leave again will make me feel like a failure. I can't control everything, but what I can do is hope for the best, and those are the only vibes I will put out into the universe.
I am nervous about what it is going to be like when I go back - will my colleagues resent me for being off and having to take on the burden of additional work? Will I be slow to pick up the pace and will I forget how to do my job?! I can only assume that things have changed since September 2021. These are all the things that people who take mat or pat leave must think and we are always empathetic when they return, so why can't I hope for the same for me? It's not like I chose to get sick.
What makes me the most anxious is falling back into old habits. Prioritizing work above my health. Not making time for a daily walk, breaks etc. This time off has made me realize that work is just that - work! The world moves on, regardless of Sarah Clare being there. My therapist (see SC's Medical Dream Team) has helped me realize that this doesn't just happen, where I am going to wake up one day in the same health state I was in back in September 2021. I know what the red flags are. For example:
Not getting enough sleep because I'm not getting to bed early enough.
Snoozing my morning alarm to miss my morning routine which includes exercise.
Not prioritizing my health appointments above meetings when there is an unavoidable conflict.
Not keeping blocks of time in my calendar for breaks, especially getting fresh air.
Having a social calendar that is too busy for time to myself to recharge my batteries.
Carving time out to be creative.
I'm actually excited to get back to work to get a routine, the social aspect, and let's be real, the full financial benefit (to give Simon the life he deserves obv). Interacting with my colleagues and clients, problem solving, and feeling like I'm doing something for the greater good in the pandemic response and serving the public.
Above all else, I am grateful that I have Nick to help me as my accountability partner.
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