Back to life, back to reality 😮‍💨

Hot off of the heels of a lovely vacation I had a regularly scheduled check in with my

hematologist to go over recent bloodwork yesterday. I am told that my iron is the lowest it has been since 2021 when I was bed ridden for the better half of a year. I’m sorry, can you repeat that, doc?  How is this possible…? 🧐

For those that are new here, I have a history of fibroids, adenomyosis, endometriosis.  The holy trinity of an angry uterus one might say 🙏 (I haven’t lost my sense of humour through this!)  The side effects I experience are extreme pain and menorrhagia, however this is not limited to when I have my period.  My side effects became so bad three years ago that I found myself in the ER on a regular basis managing life threatening symptoms while I waited on COVID restrictions to lift so I could have a myomectomy.  I had one particularly large and angry fibroid tumour that was believed to be exacerbating my symptoms and in addition, discovered that I have a blood platelet disorder.

The PTSD I am left with from this time in my life is completely revived and out of its cage, weighing on my chest like I feel like I can’t breathe. Yesterday sent me right back to that dark place. Like really, here I am, three years later, and health professionals can’t seem to figure out what blood disorder I have, why the extreme anemia, because like everything else in my journey, it is ✨unique to Sarah Clare✨Needs to be monitored closely.  Experimental treatments. More testing needed.

Most importantly though, yesterday’s results validated all the worsening symptoms that I have been experiencing.  It all makes sense!!!  But here I was just blindly pushing through and trying to mask my symptoms as much as possible. The worsening fatigue, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, infertility, chest palpitations, the corners of my mouth are blue (your girl is typically wearing lipstick so it’s not noticeable) and my bruising has gotten worse.  My doctor asked HOW I have been carrying on like this.  With great difficulty, my guy!

This entire time I have been beating myself up, why don’t I have the energy to lift more weights, exercise more, more fertility treatments, fill my social calendar more, be a better wife, daughter, sister, friend, fur mom, volunteer.  I am literally doing my best out here and FFS this pressure I have been putting on myself lately 😮‍💨

Yes, I’m extremely frustrated that I am here however it answers a lot of questions as to why I’ve been feeling so crappy lately. But I gotta keep going. One foot in front of the other.  Another transfusion?  Hell yeah, hit me UP this is not my first rodeo 🤠💉💪

If you are still reading this far, thank you. I share this in the hope it makes someone feel less alone.  Y’all know I LOVE a selfie, however I do think it’s important to show the real side of life on here sometimes too.  If something doesn’t feel right, make that appointment to see your doctor.  If you need to make it sooner, wait on a cancellation list, be that squeaky wheel and keep pushing baby 🛞

And finally, a very important PSA, when I say I don’t have the energy for negativity or bullshit, I literally do mean it 🤣